One Thing Leads to Another
by Azulito
Summary: Sometimes, all they need is one little push. This is not one of those times.
1. Tobe is a villain?

"Remember? She's sick." Ooka pointed out.

Tobe raised his eyebrows. "But good sick or _bad_ sick?"

"Bad."

"Good bad or bad bad?" I could feel a headache already rising, even as their voices were getting increasingly faint.

"Bad bad."

"Whoa. That's like, bad, dude."

"Yeah, way bad."

The buzz of what barely classified as a "conversation" from Tobe and Ooka echoed through the hallway as I hastily made my way to the club room. Before Yuigahama began dragging me as an arm accessory, I would have been lazily shuffling my feet to the club, ignoring the "he's so weird (lol)" and "wow you're so harsh (lol)" from my fellow classmates, which stopped once I began walking with Yuigahama. However, since Yuigahama had come down with her illness, I've had to endure something far worse than the drivel of schoolgirl insults.

Tobe's blunt-force attempts at "getting to know me." Read: Torture of the highest level.

I had previously tried a myriad of things, some subtle, some not so subtle. I tried telling him that I was in a hurry, and he said "No problem dude, only like a minute more." Tobe doesn't agree with father time in the slightest as to what constitutes a minute. I acted like someone was calling me from down the hall, which failed miserably as he would just yell out "Yo~! Hikki's over here!"

I even tried standing up in the middle of his rambling, without saying a word, and just walking towards the club room. Unfortunately he would just follow me there, and continue talking while in the room. He was seemingly blissfully unaware of any sign I gave him. A true dunce.

Today, however, those events will not occur.

"Hey! Hikki-bro's gone yo!"

I nearly tripped on my feet from picking up the pace so suddenly. I swiftly walked down the hallway, ignoring the "he's so weird (lol)" from passing girls that I ended up receiving anyway.

I tore open the door and closed it as fast as I humanly could without producing a sound. Though I knew, if Tobe really wanted to talk to me, it was quite obvious where I would be.

That's why I started propping up Yuigahama's chair in front of the door. If I could shove the chair under the door handle, only the force of a caveman would be able to pry this door open.

In other words, it wasn't likely to stop him. If only Hiratsuka-sensei hadn't lost our club key earlier in the week.

"Running from the police once again Hikigaya?"

"What is this 'again' nonsense? I have an impeccable record with the law."

"I have faith the system will find your many currently undiscovered crimes in due time. Chief among them, your drain on the societal health and well-being of our school."

"There's no such law."

"Only because they haven't met you yet."

"Furthermore, loners, like myself, produce no 'drain' on society at all. Because we have no friends, and next to no acquaintances, we are low-maintenance in every sense of the word."

"Oh, I understand that completely. I have no qualms with loners, rather, please don't bring loners down to your level."

Yukinoshita was perched on her chair sipping tea, delivering steel-cold proclamations without breaking a sweat. The image of an Ice Queen on her throne seemed more apt than I could describe in words. Of course, the slight smirk and "Panda-san" cup brought her back down to Earth in view of us commoners.

"Also, Hikigaya, that chair will hardly hold the door back. Tobe, if he really wanted to, could enter easily, as you already know. And, what's more, you didn't even position it right."

As expected, she deduced the reasoning behind the chair being in that position, and the reason for me barging in earlier, as well predicting my thoughts.

"I know. I only hoped he wouldn't realize he could jiggle the doorknob, and would instead think the door was locked."

Yukinoshita sighed into her scarf while standing up from her chair and walking over to me. "Sometimes I wonder about the well-being of future generations when we already have people like you being produced." She bent down in front of the chair and began pushing the chair along with me. Together we forced it up and jammed decently tight against the door, having to exert a fair amount of pressure to do so. It seems even Yukinoshita was growing tired of Tobe.

We laid with our backs against the wall to the side of the chair, momentarily catching our breath. I turned my face toward her, remembering what she spoke earlier.

"Well, you don't need to worry about my effect on future generations. I won't be outside much other than to do the grocery shopping for my earnest and hard-working wife." She turned to face me.

"Somehow that relieved no distress, and I feel even more worried than I was before." She pretended to shiver.

"If only you and my future family could see things as optimistically as I can now." I sarcastically quipped. Which elicited a very girly and un-Yukinoshita like laugh.

"Yes, if only our future family could be so lucky to be as misguided as you." She said with a smile once she calmed down.

"…" My face and hers began to turn pink.

"Ah... I meant, um, if only _both_ of our future _families_ could—well, not like our families together, but…"

I cut her off. "Yeah, I, uh, get it." I rose to my feet, and turned away, hoping to hide the small tinge of pink.

I momentarily thought of just walking to my chair, but I reached out my hand in front of her instead. She stared at it for a brief second before grabbing it and I helped pull her up. I'm not exactly chivalrous, but even I had some manners.

"Thank you." She muttered under her breath before we both abruptly sat down at the table.

Of course, Yukinoshita had already prepared my cup of tea before I arrived, and she appeared to start reading her novel once more. I rummaged through my belongings, pulled out my current light novel, and tried to begin reading as well. While it would seem we were both beyond that previous moment, I couldn't help sneaking glances at her, and I caught her gaze as she was sneaking a glance at me. We both turned away at the same time, only making it more apparent how mutually uncomfortable the feeling was.

Obviously, neither of us could focus much on our books. It was the times like this where Yuigahama's ability to completely reset the mood was Super Effective on us in the Quiet Type.

"Yuigahama is sick again then, huh?" Yukinoshita asked out of the blue. We both knew the question was pointless small-talk to help ease the tension. All the same, I was glad to try to break it. I found her eyes with my own.

"Yeah. She didn't show up in class today as well. It's been nearly a week now, have you talked to her?"

"Mhm. I've had exchanges on the phone with her a couple nights earlier in the week. Though she hasn't even texted something in the last three days." Yukinoshita had a perplexed look across her face. Seemingly pondering something. Of course, just as she had begun to be able to predict my thoughts, I too, had become more aware of her thought process.

"You want us to go visit her?" I asked, even knowing the answer.

"Ah. Well, I don't consider that an especially safe idea. We will have a known Hikigiya around such a vulnerable woman in her time of sickness."

"Don't use my name as an insult. Also, it won't be _just_ a so-called vulnerable woman with me, you will be there as well."

"Once more, your words have only raised my fears and concerns." She mock-shivered.

"Maybe your radar is malfunctioning."

"Indeed. I may have become so accustomed to being in a state of constant anxiety from your presence that everything has been thrown off."

"Now see here, my little sister is constantly with me day after day. She feels none of these worries you have, and I shower her with love and affection!" I pointed out somewhat excitedly.

"The sense of dread and apprehension that comes from you speaking increases by the day." Yukinoshita had more faux shivers.

"You are just plain wrong."

"Ah, you're right. That dread and apprehension feeling from your words increases by the minute, not by the day."

"Of course you would interpret my sentence to your benefit."

"I know you must live with those thoughts, so it may be hard to understand, but increasing my worrisome feelings is not to my benefit." I could see the joy on her face. Haruno may be far more manipulative and nasty, but Yukinoshita was just as cruel when she wanted to be.

"Look, do you want to visit Yuigahama or not?"

"Of course. I can always count on you to be so blunt and tactless." She put away her book, stood up, and put her chair on the table. "Let's go."

"Sure, sure. I just need to—"

Pounding on the door.

Yukinoshita and I fell dead silent instantly. I thanked the heavens that she and I were of the same mindset here.

"Anybody there?! Heyo~!" We pretended his dead mating call fell on deaf ears.

"Yo~!" I could see Yukinoshita frozen in her pose, same as myself, neither of us daring to move.

"Dude, they're clearly not there. The door's even locked."

"But Hikki-bro usually goes this way. And I know, you know? I sort of like, thought anyway, you know?"

"Yeah. I get you."

?

What did he get?

"Anyway, maybe tomorrow." I could hear the shuffling of feet and Tobe's voice fading as he continued talking. Normally the excitement of others could bring joy to even some loners.

His did not.

"Yeah, for sure tomorrow. I just had this wacky idea to ask Hikki about how those pigs that totally…"

…I genuinely didn't possess even an ounce of desire to know where that conversation was going, and hopefully that question would remain unanswered.

We both let out a sigh simultaneously and shared a smile. Avoiding _that_ brought shared relief.

I stowed my light novel away, before looking at Yukinoshita. She nodded her head, and we both moved over to the wedged chair, pulling it out from underneath the door handle. I held up three fingers in my hand, and pointed at the door. Yukinoshita signaled 'no' with her head movement, and held up ten fingers. I nodded back, and as we counted down in our heads, she lowered her fingers one-by-one.

I slowly cracked open the door at the end, and peaked to the left once, then to the right, then to the left once again. The thought struck me that I was being far more vigilant about the hallway than I normally am when crossing a bustling intersection. Truly Tobe was more dangerous than a careening metal death trap driven by the over-worked salary man. Ah, but just whose fault was it that they were overworked? Never take a job that… ever. Just never take one.

Yukinoshita hovered next to my shoulder. In the past, her being so close, such that I could feel her breath on me, would have elicited a nervous shoving from me. It occurred to me that she was comfortable being so close as well. When had this happened? Her tapping on my shoulder refocused my attention, and I opened the door the rest of the way and we both tentatively advanced down the hallways to the entrance.


	2. Sick Day(s?)

Let me repeat this fact, just to be clear.

Clarify my position.

I've not fulfilled requests out of the service club from some misguided sense of justice or heroics. Such things are reserved for shounen manga fantasies featuring adolescents battling insane odds while proclaiming to their enemies "With my nakama behind me, I'll never lose!"

Oh? And what of those who do not receive a medal of companionship? Are we to be losers in reality _and_ fiction? Is there no salvation for the loners?

Shounen heroes can peel off and die with the rest of any part of their naive fan-base.

Unlike those so-called heroes, I don't feel that sort of _need_ to help others.

Even if I can't quite call it a completely voluntary choice, in no small part it's due to one meddling drunkard of a teacher, it's certainly not a compulsion. Look no further than the sorry state of affairs with regards to my hopeless club mate Yuigahama's grades. I have offered assistance neither for my hopeless club mate Yuigahama, who could surely use it the most, nor for my hopeless club mate Yuigahama, who I would like to reiterate definitely needs help.

We would need our own little Humanoid Interface in the club to fix this issue.

I said it three times, and still I feel as though I hadn't repeated it enough.

After all.

The power of repetition was understated.

The power of repetition was understated.

Heh.

Its influence is abused in all aspects of our lives. Even I, who was firmly aware of it, could do little in the face of natural reinforcement. However, I believe I managed to resist key aspects of its draw. I carefully ignore such pitfalls the normal "TV, eat, work, sleep, die" salary men that tirelessly work through their lives are tricked by. Example: They slave through social events and meetings helping their co-workers with those endless stream of problems that people face. Soon enough, others are dependent on them, and they too are used to helping. Repetition at work.

But wait. I do those things too. Including the TV and eating. Their traps are devious! Have I already fallen into the cycle? Why didn't I send myself the D-Mail* and stop this before it became too late?!

...

The power of repetition was understated.

A little known fact: If you repeatedly fold a piece of paper in half forty-two times it will become thick enough to reach the moon. Such a bizarre use of exponential growth, which only grows stranger when you learn that if you were to fold that same piece of paper sixty-one more times, that is, the paper will be folded a total of one hundred and three times, it will become as thick as the universe. Whoa. Some people may have a hard time picturing that, to which I say, maybe you should have spent more time imagining things in your head rather than socializing with your friends. What good are they now?

Loners – 999.

Normals – -42.

Achoo!

Yuigahama sneezed, her mucus covered by the tissue which she had thoughtfully put next to her in the likely event she would need it, already knowing that she couldn't afford to waste time trying to reach for it.

Of course, that didn't actually happen.

I wiped the residue off my uniform, and handed her the tissue box.

"Oh thank you, thank you. I'm sooo sorry Hikki, I just forgot to grab it again and, ah, ah—"

Achoo!

More wiping. Hopefully, I don't end up with whatever disease Yuigahama has.

Whoa. That was dangerously close to a death flag.

I placed the box down by her side and pulled out the next tissue for her. I held it out in front of her.

She sheepishly smiled at me before she began reaching for the tissue again.

Achoo! Achoo! Achoo!

High-Score!

She hadn't managed to bring the tissue up to her face in time, and was pouting on her bed having dropped the tissue when she sneezed three off in a row.

"I-I just, just… ughh…"

I feel as though even baby puppies would learn to be envious of how cute this looked. I involuntarily sighed and picked the tissue up, then wiped her face for her, before even realizing what I was doing.

"Thanks Hikki." She was red-faced, though I couldn't tell whether it was from her condition or otherwise.

No.

 _It had to be from her illness._

Regardless, it seems my Komachi-senses were being triggered by a dangerously increasing pool of people. Is it only Yukinoshita immune among those who are closest to me?

Note to self for reinforcement: Komachi is the only one for me.

"Hikki… don't look so weird." Yuigahama muttered.

"Putting aside how you somehow managed to sneeze five times in a row without grabbing a tissue in time," Yukinoshita mock-scolded while Yuigahama embarrassingly blushed and looked at her lap, "Hikki does look far too disgustingly pleased to be receiving something as simple as a thank you. I fear for the chastity of women everywhere when such an expression is made."

"Since when was I a sexual deviant?"

"When did you say your birthdate was?"

"Nobody was born that way!"

Yukinoshita quietly laughed to herself, while I couldn't help but smile.

"…"

Yuigahama's mouth was wide open, gaping at Yukinoshita, but no sound was produced.

Yukinoshita noticed. "What?" She glanced confusingly at Yuigahama.

"You said 'Hikki'."

"Oh, well, that is…" She started ungracefully explaining herself, "That… is surely a mistake. I mean, I wouldn't ever—not without reason, which there most certainly was not. Absolutely not." She looked over to me, I could see the pleading look in her eyes.

What do you want me to do woman? You said it.

Her look changed from pleading to questioning.

I already knew what she was thinking, what she was silently asking, and truthfully, even I didn't know why she said 'Hikki,' I couldn't give her an answer.

Again, the look she gave me morphed. Now it was with a doubtful expression, as if doubting that I truly didn't know.

Oh? Am I supposed to know exactly what you were thinking at that moment? Am I some kind of mind reader?

She pulled her shivering gag out.

Hey! Even if I could read minds there is no way I would use it to violate anyone's inner moments.

Her doubtful look shot at me once more.

Totsuka is the only exception.

Her look didn't change.

…I'm a healthy teenage boy, damn it. I will not feel ashamed.

She sighed.

Yuigahama abruptly started laughing. Yukinoshita and I gave her perplexed looks. "You two were making such funny faces," she explained in between breaths, "and those looks you were both giving each other, and you guys didn't even say like a single thing," she began to laugh again, only to be interrupted by her sneeze onto my uniform.

Whap!

"Ah! I just… ugh, please help." Yuigahama had knocked her tissue box onto the ground when she reached for another tissue. If she was called dependent before she was sick, then right now you would classify her as beyond helpless. It was adorable in a very Yuigahama sort of way.

Yukinoshita and I both reached down at the same time and our hands met on top of the box.

Had this been a romantic comedy, surely here is where she and I would blush and turn away. Of course, I was not 'Mister Nandatte,' no matter how soft such hands were.

"Please remove your rotting appendage from my hand." Her eyes were throwing daggers at me.

"Your hand is on top of mine." I answered back with a firm voice and held her stare.

"Yes, I'm trying to reach the tissue box, which your dying carcass is impeding." She had grown a small smile, and her look softened slightly.

"And what do you think I'm trying to do?"

"Just how many tissues do you need to wipe up the decaying remains you're leaving behind?" I felt something move under my hand.

"Only you are the one who sees those events!" I unexpectedly began to raise my voice.

"Indeed. I am also the only one sane enough to make such judgements here. Yuigahama is delirious and you are a Hikigaya that is decomposing." Her small smile had spread to her eyes.

"I am definitely sane, I am not decomposing, and once more, being 'a Hikigaya' is not an insult."

"Just how many souls have you consumed to be still able to talk while wasting away?"

"Since when do the walking dead consume souls!?"

"I suppose you would know far more than I on this subject."

"But you are the one who brought up my dying remains."

"Ah," Yuigahama interrupted, "please you guys, I've had the tissue box for a while now."

"Oh," 2x.

We both blushed as we moved our hands away at the same time, realizing we hadn't let go previously. We hadn't even noticed Yuigahama retrieve the box of tissues from under us.

Achoo!

This time Yuigahama unintentionally cleared the air of tension, and successfully didn't re-cloud the air with mucus, having managed to bring a tissue up to her face in time.

Congrats Yuigahama! You covered your own sneeze, you poor baby.

"Congratulations Yuigahama." Yukinoshita deadpanned.

"C'mon, please. I can do at least that much. And you too Hikki, stop giving me such a pitying look." Yuigahama pouted at us.

"There there, everything is going to be okay little one." I gave the impression I was talking to an infant.

"And I'm so proud of you, Yuigahama," Yukinoshita said.

"Mou~. You guys…" She slumped down into her bed, and pulled the covers and blankets over her head. Yeah, Yuigahama, that's how you prove you aren't a child. By hiding underneath your blankets.

As if immediately seizing an opportunity, "Hikigaya, please apologize for upsetting Yuigahama," Yukinoshita fired.

"We were both equally involved." Return volley!

"How could a corpse be my equal?"

"Back to this. Since when I have been a dead person?"

"When did you say your birthdate was?" She reused her own line.

"You recycle things in the worst meaning of the word, Yukinoshita."

"Thank you, I have to maintain an outstanding community service record to ensure that filth such as yourself does not destroy the area around here."

"Where did the 'worst meaning of the word' go?"

"And just why would I pay attention to something so obviously false?"

"Does determining what's true and what's false fall only into the lofty hands of our resident Ice Queen?"

"Of course not. Simply when it becomes between either the sick, myself, or the eroding debris with worse eyes, the choice is obvious that I should be the one to make such decisions."

"Now I am reduced to debris?!"

"No, you are eroding debris."

"That doesn't fix the jump in logic!"

"I'm surprised you even possess the ability to use logic, eroding debris-san."

To be demoted from 'a Hikigaya' to 'a dying Hikigaya' and now just eroding debris. In the eyes of Yukinoshita, it seems, nothing is sacred.

Except Panda-san.

"Wow." Yuigahama cut in, then covered her mouth. We both broke eye contact to look at her.

She grew sheepish from our attention. "Ah, haha," she uncomfortably laughed, "never mind me. Just… continue."

"Is there something the matter, Yuigahama?" Yukinoshita was already checking Yuigahama's temperature with the thermometer. I was checking the box for tissues.

Yuigahama sat up on her bed. "Oh, um, no. I just, uh… well, it's like, you both seemed really close there. And I was thinking, that's not like, the first time today right? So then I thought of something, like, not really true, but that made me say 'wow', so yeah. No big deal."

That was surprisingly understandable. While I had my doubts Yuigahama would ever be able to speak with grace or elegance, I certainly understood her more lately than I had in the past.

"Close?" Yukinoshita asked.

"Ah, like, super friendly. I mean, you two were always like up here" she waved her hand above her head, "and most of us were like down here," she waved her hand near the bed, "but lately you both were really _really_ up there."

I didn't feel as though anything was out of the ordinary. Earlier in the day, I had realized that we were more comfortable in close proximity with one another, but truthfully, I feel as though that's become the case with Yuigahama, and even Iroha, as well.

"You must be mistaken, Yuigahama. Someone of his social stature is not accepted by anyone, this is simply more conversation than you've ever seen him have with anyone else, that's why it appears unusual." She held one finger up, as if lecturing Yuigahama.

Of course, I wanted to vehemently disagree with her on every account. But I couldn't doubt the accuracy of her words.

"Ah yeah, that sorta makes sense, but there's some holes. Hikki is like still super weird." Yuigahama nodded her head in understanding, even if her words implied something else.

"Hikki is, 'like still super here.'" I gave a mock impression of Yuigahama.

"Shh, eroding debris-san. The humans are having a conversation."

"A conversation about me!"

"No, it was a conversation that unfortunately involved you, not about you."

"It revolved around the two of us at the very least."

"It revolved around myself and the eroding debris that clung to my orbit like Saturn's rings."

"Are you a gravitational destination now?"

"I'm sorry, Yuigahama do you hear the sound of trash shifting?"

"How can my words be confused with the movement of trash?"

"Hehehe." Yuigahama giggled into her hands.

"You two have probably been doing that all week long, while I wasn't there, right?" Yuigahama questioned.

Yukinoshita looked over to me and I shrugged my shoulders.

"Doing what?" Yukinoshita answered.

"That, right there. That whole thing you guys do."

"What 'thing' are you referring too?"

"You know, that. Like talking, but arguing, and friendly and… ugh, I can't think of the word."

I could see the metaphorical light bulb ignite in Yukinoshita's head, her eyes shot open.

Achoo!

Yuigahama was wiping her face.

"So it's been that bad." I stated.

"Mhm. It was way worse a couple days ago. Even like, a couple hours ago, super bad. But I feel better now that you are here. Ah, both of you are here." She gave me a radiant smile. It gave me pause for a moment. "Of course, I still feel really sticky. These clothes are just too old now. I should get a new pair."

I knew that cue.

"It sounds like that, huh?" Yukinoshita was mumbling to herself, somewhat incoherently.

I was up already, leaving the room, when I heard the last thing Yukinoshita said, this time softly speaking to Yuigahama.

"Is it really that obvious?"

* * *

The rest of my day was uneventful. Shortly after leaving the room, I called out that I was headed back. Yuigahama said goodbye, Yukinoshita yelled out not to leave my droppings on the street. I grabbed something from the marketplace, and then I went home and slept, woke up fully refreshed, ready to start regretting that I had to get out of bed.

Or rather, it was almost that uneventful.

"So, why were you so late, onii-chan?" Komachi asked, her eyes mischievous.

Of course, if I didn't want to get hassled, the smart thing to do would be to tell the truth.

That I was called in by Hiratsuka-sensei to discuss how I failed a report. The absolute truth.

"Hiratsuka-sensei didn't enjoy how my report focused more on the failings of society, when my report was supposed to be on fish."

"That does sound exactly like onii-chan." She nodded thoughtfully.

She bought that so easily I felt the reverse of joy. Just how low was I considered to be from the scale of my own little sister? I have good academics, damn it! Is this 'put down Hachiman-day?'

"Well, the report wasn't totally worthless…"

"Nah, Sensei's probably right. You should start another one from scratch."

This little—

"But I'm sure you'll come up with something way better, like you always do. Ooo. Super Komachi points!" So cute.

See, 'note to self,' Komachi really was the only one for me.

"Well, at least you're back home safe. How was Yuigahama then?"

Images of sneezing and mucus ran through my head.

"Not pretty."

"How do you know that?"

"Ah."

Fuck, she works fast. My tendency to let my guard down around Komachi easily disarmed my natural doubtfulness.

Note to self for reinforcement: Myself is the only one for me.

Regardless, it was times like this being 'a Hikigaya' paid off. While it didn't work on Tobe, so it may be considered a longshot here, I had to try. I made no sudden movement, and said no words, just dropped my backpack on the floor and started walking to my room.

"Not so fast, _onii-chan_." Right, of course. She was a Hikigaya as well!

That tone of voice was dangerous and forced me to turn to face her.

"Was Yukinoshita there as well?"

"Yes. It was her idea to visit Yuigahama." I answered immediately.

"And so you agreed, just like that?"

"Ah." Another pause. I did agree. I had not noticed before, or rather, hadn't put it under critical thought. I willingly visited the residence of a sick girl, and I had no ulterior motives. I was sure I hadn't fallen for Yuigahama, though I was slightly worried for her well-being. Yukinoshita was checking up on her, however, so my presence was wholly unneeded and unnecessary.

Then just why did I agree? What was I thinking in that period to make that decision? It was completely illogical. Not that I was always logical, but in those instances where I am not, there is a moment of recognition that I desire something which overrides the previous judgement. But here, I could think of no clear cut desire.

"Onii-chan is deep in thought."

"I did agree." I abruptly said.

That was it, I just did. No conclusion.

"Okay. I'll consider that development." Komachi nodded her head in understanding.

What understanding, what 'development'? And she just let it go, like that? Is there no customary teasing and claims that I should just marry one of them? What a wasted attempt. I will never allow myself to fall into the customs of those ignorant to reality. Relationships fall apart; romance is an emotional tax on the stupid and willing.

…Hmm, but just how was I supposed to be a house-husband if I couldn't get married? Cruel, world. Just cruel.

Loners – 998

Normals – -41.

"Komachi won't push too far, marriage is ideal, but only when ready." More sagely nodding from her. Ah, so there is the teasing. Putting aside Komachi's strange(ly cute) way of talking in third person, she was quite the pushy little sister. Since when had romance been in her mind this strongly? If this is Taishi's doing, I'll wring that boy by the neck.

"Sleep well onii-chan!" Komachi walked past me, and toward her room.

"Oh, one more thing," I sneezed as she started yelling out, "never mind, too late!"


	3. Mind Games and Video Games

Finally, class ended. I walked up to Yuigahama and tried discreetly returning it.

"Hey, _psst_ , Yuigahama. You forgot—"

"Hikki! Why do you have my underwear!?"

Oh god damn it.

The class conversations abruptly fell silent, my classmates heads and bodies turned to the commotion. The birds had stopped chirping, and the footsteps in the hallway fell quiet. I was stone still, awkwardly standing at the center. Even the ever boisterous Tobe was speechless.

Only one person was not.

Yuigahama was waving her underwear in the air and blushing, gasping in between breaths.

I had to clear the air, before Yuigahama made it even worse.

"This is just a misunderstanding." I said, somehow without stuttering. "She was ill, I came over to check on her. It fell in my backpack, I think."

Nobody gave any signal they believed me.

Nobody had even said anything.

Except for Yuigahama.

"Ohhh, so that's what happened." She put the garment away.

You knew why I was there yesterday!

"Hey, airhead. Help me out here." I whispered.

"Oh, um, right."

She cleared her throat and then started.

"Well... I mean, like, I was sick. And Hikki came over. But I was so hot, so, it's like, things led to each other…"

The class was now on the edge of their seats. Yuigahama's explanation answered nothing and left far too much to the imagination. In fact, one might say it only raised more questions.

"Don't phrase it like that, woman!"

Yuigahama began swinging her arms around, trying to plead her case. "Oh! Wait, no, I meant, like, um, Yukinon was there too!"

More audible gasps.

"But-but-but it wasn't like _that_. Hikki was having problems so she helped us!"

The class was in a frenzy, half of them had stopped listening to her, having drawn their own conclusions.

"Who knew they were like that, huh?" Things like that were being muttered in thinly veiled whispers.

"Hikki please…" Yuigahama whined, "Say something…"

What would my role models do at a time like this?

"I did not have sexual relations with that woman."

* * *

Ow! What the hell?

Someone just poked me on my cheek with a pen. No, isn't that a permanent marker on the table?

Wait, the table? I was laying down on a table?

Ow!

"Quit poking me, I'm awake already."

Ow!

"What the... I just said I was awake."

"Oops. I didn't mean to finish the drawing."

"Finish the drawing? What are you talking about?"

"Senpai, please. You're just tired right now, trust me."

Trust this sly fox? I wouldn't even trust her as far as I could throw her.

And that means something, considering I would probably struggle to even lift her up in the first place.

"So, I believe that we should handle the club fair by holding some form of a vote. We can ask the different heads of the clubs for a representative to discuss which to do, or we can just have them tell us which of the options they like based on a list."

Ah, that's right. I must have fallen asleep and had a dream in the middle of the school council meeting I was "invited" too by Isshiki.

...Thank god.

"Ah, but wouldn't that just slow the process down? Aren't we supposed to decide these issues? I feel as though we would just be delaying things, and pushing responsibility down the line."

"No, no. While I don't agree we should have a vote, we still should get the opinions of the participants more. I side with the co-vice-treasurer, rather than the head-side-chief. We definitely need…"

'Co-vice-treasurer?' There certainly were far more positions in the student council then there had existed a couple weeks or months ago. Of course, when your Student Council President was Isshiki, perhaps the more people assigned to duties the better. After all, this was less duties for her to personally fulfill. It wasn't so much that she was incompetent, I didn't believe. More so that she was... Isshiki.

Come to think of it, I wonder if she recruited this many people so she could purposefully avoid working.

I turned to face her.

Of course, she was on her cellphone. In the middle of the meeting.

No. Perhaps _she_ didn't recruit them to avoid working.

It was _everyone else_ who recruited this many people so they could avoid giving her work.

 _"Psst_ Senpai," a soft girly whisper in my ear, "do you want to ditch this thing?"

She couldn't be serious.

"We can't ditch _this thing_." I imitated.

"But why?"

"You're the student council president, Isshiki."

She just continued blankly staring at me.

I—did I have to spell it out?

"This is _your_ meeting."

" _Sooooo_?"

…

" _Sooooo_ , shouldn't you stay for _your_ meeting?"

"Pfft. It's no problem. I ditch all the time."

Unbelievable. How did this person even win the election?

Shit.

Maybe the worst decision I've made since coming to this school was electing her president.

"Well, wouldn't it be awkward, leaving in the middle of this?"

After all, everybody is required for this meeting, she had told me, and it was a three-hour meeting.

She just gave me a dead-pan look in response. As if I was stupid for even thinking that.

"Weren't you listening? I ditch _all the time_. They're used to it by now."

Definitely the worst decision. At that moment, I felt like perhaps Yukinoshita's jokes might have hit closer to home than even she expected. Maybe I have had a negative impact on this school.

"Senpai, are you okay? You look really gloomy. I mean, more than usual."

"I think I need to lay down for a moment." The urge to think about some of my choices overcame me. Is this regret?

"Gross. Just because I wanted to leave with you doesn't mean I want to do _anything_ like that, just yet. Denied for now."

"Wait, no. I didn't mean that. And just what—"

"President, how do you feel about doing Plan 2B to solve the festival dilemma?" I was cut off by the co-secretary of affairs. Or was it the scheduling chairperson? Being that it wasn't my job, I hadn't actually taken the time to memorize the numerous new job positions.

Put on the spot, since Isshiki hadn't been following the conversation, she stumbled, stuttered, and inelegantly explained.

"Certainly. It aptly and eloquently solves the core issues we need to fix. I say let's do it."

Or not. She truly was a fox in woman's clothing.

"Very well, we'll continue with…" He continued.

"See? Have some faith in your underclassmen. I don't need to attend all the meetings all the time to do this."

Of course, she hadn't actually done anything. This sly devil might have even convinced herself that she was a perfectly capable student council president.

Well, if she thought she was so capable, why bother me all the time? I would love to have one less than thing to worry about. Although, lately I hadn't felt like I was doing much in these meetings anyway. Why would she keep inviting me along at all? Perhaps…

 **No.** The cause was clear. Wasn't it because she needed my help? Yeah, that's it. There's absolutely no other reason. I was sure of it. So sure.

 **110% sure.**

"In the next break, please tell Kana that I had 'emergency business', okay?"

Isshiki spoke to her diligent notetaker besides her while she grabbed my arm and pulled me up.

"Yes, yes."

"Good." She turned her face to me. "Let's go to our clubroom, senpai." And then stood up and started walking to the club, I followed beside her.

The meeting went uninterrupted, there was no pause in the discussion, though I couldn't tell if anyone had paid us any mind. After all, I hadn't bothered to turn around to see, for fear of embarrassment.

Wait a minute. Shouldn't you all be embarrassed, not me? You're the ones who let your president walk out the door. I shouldn't have even needed to be asked for help from your president, considering there were like 30 of you now. Actually, there shouldn't be that many of you in the first place.

Oh, right. That was my fault. Damn.

"You know, you really should stay for the meetings." I said as the door closed behind us.

"Hmm. Yeah, you're probably right. But then, wouldn't you miss the opportunity to enjoy my company?"

"Enjoy? Is that what you call it?"

She giggled.

"You say that, but look whose arm is still linked with yours?"

I froze for a second, but my face wasn't warm.

When had this become so normal to me? Had she somehow managed to worm her way closer?

She tugged on me, and I continued walking beside her.

No, our arms may be linked, but my mind was resolute. I wouldn't let my guard down around this kouhai of mine.

"This arm holding thing is just a ruse as well. You think I wouldn't see past this after talking to you for so long?"

"Hmm, I wonder? Am I just trying to manipulate you, or am I really falling for you?" She buried her face in my arm, then turned up to look at me.

Now I felt my face heat up.

"P-personal space."

"Mhm. I definitely want all of it."

"Uh, w-wait, we—"

She abruptly buried her face into my arm and laughed again.

"You should have seen your face. I want that picture! I need it framed!"

She finished laughing a short while later and flashed me a wide smile.

I couldn't help but notice how endearing it was.

"Someday your fox-like ways are going to land you in some trouble."

"They already have, remember? That's how I met you. But now, I don't need to worry about that, because you're still here."

I felt my face warm up once more, for an entirely different reason.

Her face was getting red too.

Don't say things like that if you're just going to be embarrassed too!

"Besides, we can both be foxes. See?"

She pulled up a mirror from her backpack and showed me my reflection.

Or rather, it was my reflection along with drawn-on whiskers.

"This is what you did while I was asleep?"

"Nope. That's what I did to wake you up, I did something else while you were asleep."

That... sounded sort of ominous.

"Should I ask, or..."

"C'mon, let's go to our clubroom!"

She pulled me along.

Something else occurred to me just then.

"I don't think it's _your_ clubroom."

"Yeah, I know. I don't own it."

"But you've been saying 'our'."

"Oh," She stopped walking and I caught up to her, stopping at her side, "I see."

She just stood there staring ahead for a moment.

"It's sorta funny," she started with small smile, "sometimes, when I'm talking to you, I just... am not really myself. Or rather, I feel like maybe, talking to you, I'm only really myself."

I didn't know how to follow up, so I stood silent.

"But, other times… well, never mind."

...

"You can go to the club senpai, I'm going to head home. I just remembered I was going to meet some people from the council right now at my place. I'll talk to you later."

She gave a small wave, which I returned, and walked off in the opposite direction.

How strange, and sudden. Of course, I couldn't really understand someone like her, but even so, that was way off.

After all, you couldn't meet your council members at your home. Everyone in the council was at the meeting you ditched.

* * *

"Yahallo!" Yuigahama said as I slid the door closed behind me and I took off my snow-gloves.

"Hello, Hikigaya."

"Yo."

"There you are Hikki! You left before I could walk with you over here."

By walk, you mean drag me by the arm forcibly squishing against me thereby spreading ill rumors and ruining my loner reputation?

"That was on purpose."

"Wha—but why?" She pouted.

"Because, you get really close and…" I let the sentence die, not knowing how to comfortably finish it. It was embarrassing to walk like that, shouldn't she know?

Ah.

What a joke. I ended up walking with a girl on my arm here anyway.

Could I even call myself a loner at this point? Where was the shame?

"Yuigahama, please be more concerned for your safety. That _thing_ is to be treated with caution, it's something that can't even fit in to the society of today, which is all the more ignominious knowing how accepting we are compared to the past." Yukinoshita looked over to me.

"That _thing_ is still here."

"It can talk?"

"I'm a human, damn it. Besides, who would feel a need to fit into _this_ society? As if it's something to be proud of."

"It is no measure of health to be well-adjusted to a profoundly sick society." A quote for everything. That's Yukipedia for you.

Amongst the talking, and before long, the clubroom had settled into an easy atmosphere. I had become buried into yet another light novel. I knew this type of feeling couldn't last forever, but it was nice to have while it was here. Normally, people lose contacts over time, 'friendships' fade. Those deluded normals would probably cry at such moments, when they felt that their relationships were coming to their ends, when they tried to cling to each other and avoid the inevitable. Idiots.

…Ah, didn't I do something similar on a rooftop? Geeze. I had to fight not to cringe thinking of what an embarrassment that was.

Forcing myself to move past those thoughts, I lowered my light novel and looked around the room.

Yuigahama was texting on her phone and Yukinoshita continued reading the dictionary.

Seriously.

Okay, even if her novel wasn't a dictionary, it certainly looked like a twelve volume dictionary, complete with its very own English translations. Maybe you should look up the definition of enjoyment while you were at it, Yukino-fun.

The object of my attention looked over to me.

"Yes?" She said.

"Nothing…"

"Hm?" Yuigahama raised her head, and stopped messing with her cellphone.

"It was really nothing." I tried to gloss over being caught staring.

"Did you notice?" Yukinoshita asked.

"Notice?" I questioned.

"Nothing."

"Eh?" Yuigahama looked back and forth between us once again, confused by our answers.

Between the three of us, I felt as though we had grown immeasurably closer than I normally am with other women of my age, or men of my age, or children, or adults, or…. people, just people in general. Still, we had these moments where we had some miscommunication that we couldn't slip by.

The atmosphere rapidly grew stale. It was not the ease of silence that usually accompanied our presence in this room. Instead, it was stifling, though not so in the sense of anxiety, just… uncomfortable. Awkward conversations have awkward results.

"Your hair is different." I blurted out the first thing that came to mind, even I didn't know why I voiced that until I noticed it was true after I said it. No filter applied for some reason.

Yukinoshita's eyes opened wide for a moment, just a moment, and then it was gone, replaced by the slightly mischievous look she seemed to default too.

"So it has eyes." She said.

"Humans typically have eyes."

"You think pretty highly of yourself."

"Being human is just the minimum!"

"You're right Hikki, even I didn't notice." Yuigahama cut in, and leaned over into Yukinoshita's personal space. Yukinoshita leaned away, only causing Yuigahama to lean forward more.

"Up close, you almost don't even look like our Yukinon." _Our_ Yukinon, Yurigahama?

Once again, I could recall another quote that sat on the tip of my tongue, but just barely eluded me. This was going to bother me.

"I don't look that different, I don't think—I mean, it's still the same type of haircut, just… a little different. I'm of course, still the same." Yukinoshita pleadingly looked over to me as Yuigahama went on.

"No, no. You look more mature than normal!" Yuigahama excitedly said. "Yukinoshita-sensei fits really well!"

I was still trying in vain to remember the quote.

"I—that's not true. It's not that different… I'm just Yukinoshita." Yukinoshita was uncharacteristically twisting one of her loose hair. She looked over to me again.

Right! I remembered it! Just not the source.

"A rose by any other name would smell as sweet." I abruptly said. Phew, relief flooded me. Take that Yukipedia, Hikkipedia had its moments as well.

"…"

"…"

"…Ah." Blunder.

I realized at that moment, for the first time in what must have been years, or some extremely long duration of my life, I hadn't even attempted to filter myself two times in one day, let alone in one hour. I was subconsciously revealing too much.

"I was trying to remember something, and I just recalled it, as you both were talking, so I said it. Not—not that I think of roses when you…" I stopped talking. Dead end, turn around.

"It's alright." Yukinoshita said with a blush. "I underst-tand, it is n-nothing to be embarrassed about."

Don't stutter while saying that!

All the same, I was at least relieved she was willing to not let that be a big deal.

"Hikki, that was very sweet, that was like, almost romantic."

Almost romantic?

"I mean, it was just a saying. It wasn't really _romantic_ , just…" What was the word?

"Fitting?" Yukinoshita answered for me.

"Yeah. That's it."

"So you think it's _fitting_ to mention that roses smell sweet no matter what you call them?" Yuigahama questioned.

It's easy to forget, but underneath Yuigahama's dunce-like appearance is… still a dunce. But she was a dangerously perceptive one.

"I—"

The door slid open.

"Hey, I need some help!" The scruffy looking pseudo-chuunibyou shot through the doorway and slammed it shut behind him.

Strange, normally he was more on guard and cautious around Yukinoshita and Yuigahama, as well as every other girl in existence.

Immediately, Yukinoshita strung into role.

"Zaimokuza, knocking is more than just a courtesy, it's expected. Also, do use an inside voice. Further, take care with the door when closing it, slamming it shut is not proper. Finally, do not rush in here without restraint. Such actions are dangerous and unwarranted." Rapid put-down.

Yukinoshita's subconscious frost emanated from her very words.

"Please have mercy on my being and forgive my future generations for the mistakes I've made today!" He quickly turned around, opened the door and attempted to rush out before I walked up, grabbed his collar, and pulled him back inside.

I spent a minute reassuring him the chill in the room was just from the weather, sat him down on one of the chairs and went to the heart of the issue.

"Zaimokuza, just, next time be more careful. As careful as someone like you can possibly be."

"Hey! Just what—"

"Now what's the situation?" I cut in.

"Hohoho," he abruptly began laughing, forgetting my previous statement.

Then he started coughing in the middle of his laughter. I lightly hit him on the back a couple times and he seemed to get out of his fit of coughs.

"Thanks. Anyway, where was I? Right, the intro! Hohoho," I hit him on the back a couple more times, less lightly, "ow, ow! Okay, okay. So, you should all be pleased to have this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to destroy the dastardly evils of the world! Today I bestow upon thee a once magnificent—"

"No." Yukinoshita and I said simultaneously.

"So soon?!"

He hung his head down in down in defeat and started picking at the table with his nails.

Poor kid, I almost felt sympathetic.

Yuigahama spoke first, "How about you just tell us the problem without the, um, extra stuff, Zaimokuza?"

His eyes sparkled with tears. Yuigahama tried to subtly slide her chair closer to Yukinoshita, who tried to subtly slide her chair farther away from Yuigahama.

"Yes! Okay, so I have this video game," he held up the case, "and, simply put, it's an abomination from the hell-spawns of," Yukinoshita started glaring at him again, "uhhh, IneedMultiplePeopleToBeatItPleaseAssistMe."

"You want us to help you beat a video game you bought?"

"Not just any video game!" He started looking around the room. "It's the grandiose and—" he paused when his sight landed on Yukinoshita, "yes. But I didn't buy it, I received it from my cousin. He works as a developer and wanted me to help him test this. Unfortunately, the version I was given is a cooperative one."

"And you have no one else, perhaps people who would enjoy playing a video game, to do this with?" Yukinoshita asked.

"Uh, no."

"No? But don't you—Oh, I see."

"Yeah."

"…Well, I'm sorry but I don't believe we are the best club suited for this. Perhaps ask the computer club?"

I decided to remain silent. In truth, I could help him with his request, but I also don't feel as though this was the best request for us to fulfill. He would be better suited asking another club, which I'm fairly sure they would be interested in trying an unreleased game.

"Hmm. Okay, I'll try that tomorrow. But since I'm here, I might as well ask for opinions on something else." He rummaged through his backpack and pulled out a stack of papers and slammed the stack on the table.

Yukinoshita's face dropped instantly.

I wasn't far behind.

"These are the rough drafts for my amazing new novel that—"

"I'll go rent the TV." I started walking to the door.

Yukinoshita was already pulling the game console from Zaimokuza's backpack.

"I assume you brought the peripherals as well… ah, there they are."

Zaimokuza started talking to Yuigahama as I was leaving.

"They changed their minds so fast, and in unison! I wonder why?"

"Ah, yeah. It's like, um, they totally did. Wonder, right?"

Nice try, Yuigahama. Fortunately it seems he bought your act.

"Don't worry Zaimokuza, I should be able to solve this in no time at all." Yukinoshita said right before I left the room.

* * *

 _"_ _ **You lose! You lose! You lose!"**_

"Hikigaya, if you would just listen to _my_ plan we could easily solve this puzzle."

"Your track records with plans leave me less than ecstatic." Of course, my plans often had a very negative side-effect, but that was beside the point.

"I'm sorry if your feelings don't agree with the cold hard facts."

"The only things cold and hard here are your heart and fingers, and the only thing that's a fact is that." I stated with vigor.

"Why must you be so difficult? Other than your personality, attitude, face, personality, eyes, body, hair, humor, emotional intelligence, social life, personality, family relationships, classroom bonds, siscon affection, and general existence you have no excuses."

"Just what is left to even be used as an excuse?"

 _"_ _ **You lose! You lose! You lose!"**_

"Your personality is also quite bad."

"You said that three times already, now four."

"I felt like I really needed to let you know that it's at least twelve times as bad as the others, Hikigaya."

"Where did the other eight mentions go?"

"I talk about you behind your back."

"How often has that subject come up to be able to insult me eight more times?"

"How did you know what I talk about, stalker?"

"Didn't you just tell me what you said?"

"I didn't tell you specifically what I said yesterday."

"Wait. All those insults came in just a single day?!"

 ** _"You lose! You lose! You lose!"_**

The television's declaration continued echoing throughout the room.

"See Hikigaya, this is what you caused."

"Me? This is clearly a failing of execution. If we just properly followed what I said..."

"Then we would not have even made it this far. Be mindful of your betters, follow my plan to—"

" **Can just the both of you, please! Shut! The fuck! Up!** "

"…"

"…"

"I mean, like, can we just try to win already?"

"…"

"…"

"…I didn't mean forever. Just focus—for a bit?"

"…"

"…"

"Ahaha… yeah. I guess I got a little angry. But no biggie, right?"

"…"

"…"

"So I just, I mean, attention should be on the game, right—but well, you know, sometimes it's like you guys weren't focusing, and I got just a little bit _,_ um, _touchy_ …"

"…"

"…"

"…ahaha…"

"…"

"…"

 ** _"You lose! You lose! You lose!"_**

I could hear the sounds of Yuigahama quietly sniffling to herself after she finished awkwardly laughing, meanwhile Yukinoshita sat still in her spot. Ironically, it seems only the fiery outburst of our residential dunce could freeze the ice queen. The only other sounds were the snow pelting the window.

This videogame had proven harder than was initially thought. I had heard of video games like this before, but I personally do not play much video games outside of the ones on my phone, usually so that I look occupied and, more importantly, less likely to be talked to by other people.

The ability to occupy myself with my own devices was something that I found invaluable, as I was not spouting meaningless words out of a conversational need for small talk. No, I didn't try to eavesdrop on your conversation, miss loudmouth, but why must you talk about your dog on the way to school every day as if its life depended on it? Go pray to a temple. Do not rely on your friends saying "totally" every five seconds as if their very words were breathing life into the dog's poor lungs.

Of course, I know what you must be thinking right now, and the answer is no, I won't comfort Yuigahama.

"Say something you guys…"

What time was it now anyway?

I looked over to the clock on the wall and for the first time, I noticed that it was too dark to read. The only light illuminating the room was from the TV.

I hadn't even realized it was dark at all until just this moment. Wasn't someone supposed to kick us out by now?

Oh. Right. Our club "manager" was probably off at some bar getting drunk. Good job, sensei. Natural priorities.

Why were we even playing this game again? To have to even think about this made me somewhat self-conscious of how shameful it was to have lost the entire day playing a videogame for no discernible reason.

No, I remember now. Zaimokuza asked us to help him beat the game.

Wait, where was Zaimokuza?

"Yukinoshita, where's Zaimokuza?"

"Zaimokuza? Why would he be here at all?"

"Err, wasn't that who we were supposed to be doing this request for?"

"Request? Ah. Of course, you're right. Oh. Ohhhhhhh..."

It seems she realized it too.

"Yeah."

"Yuigahama, do you know where Zaimokuza went?" Yukinoshita chimed in.

"He went home."

Home? Of course, he went home, we should have as well. Quite a while ago in fact.

"He left how long ago?" I asked.

"Hmm. I'm not really sure. Perhaps, yesterday?"

"Yesterday? Wait. What time is it?"

"It's 1:07 A.M."

...

"I'm going to go home, you guys can do whatever, but I need to head back."

"Yuigahama, I'll walk with you. Let me just put away these things."

It seems we had all decided we had enough for the day. Or rather, we had enough for this morning.

I walked over and tried to help her put it away.

"No, it's fine. I'll handle this. You haven't been much help today anyway." She said.

"Me? Your plans were terrible, we wouldn't have even advanced this far following your hair-brain schemes."

"At least my plans were formed by a human."

"What is that supposed to mean? I'm a human in mind and body as well!"

"Delusions of grandeur."

"What is grand about a human believing himself a human?"

"I knew you would tell such a bold-faced lie."

How could me believing myself a human be a lie?

"Oh c'mon. Am I really that distrustful?"

"No. It's less so 'distrustful' as it is 'life-threateningly' concerned."

"Basic education will tell you that is definitely worse!"

"And here I was thinking Hikigaya's strong point was language, but you don't understand my words once more. That leaves you with a net of negative-twelve redeeming traits on my list."

"What's with that running total?!"

She lightly laughed.

"My apologies for any offense caused, I was only joking about the list."

That didn't even need to be said. Of course she was just joking.

"Well, that's alright. It—"

"I meant to say negative fourteen."

"...You know what? I don't even care. My plans worked far better, I can claim victory for the day."

"Is that so? Your half-finished attempt is worth a victory now? Perhaps we should re-do this?"

"I'll win every time. We can prove it right here, right now." I stood up and stared her down.

"Yuigahama," Yukinoshita said, without turning away from me, "grab the controller. We're finishing it."

Yukinoshita and I stared each other down and waited.

And waited.

And waited.

"Yuigahama?" I said while looking around the room.

Yukinoshita walked over to the window after a short while, and I followed her.

All we saw was the slowly fading footprints in the snow as the ongoing snowstorm blew them away.

I walked back to the game console and stared at the TV. Yukinoshita came up next to me a moment later.

We both looked at each other and nodded.

Then we picked up the controllers and sat down in front of the TV.


	4. PSA: Ghosts and You

"So you really think that was a ghost?" I asked.

"Well, like, maybe, you know? I'm not saying it is, but dude, can _really_ you say it isn't?"

Uh, yes. Actually I can, Tobe. And anybody with half a brain will tell you definitively that it wasn't, nobody actually believes in that at our age.

I should remind him not to fall for simple tricks of the mind, your eyes can deceive you.

"It was 100% not—"

"Wow! Tobecchi, you really saw a ghost?!" Yuigahama stood up, shaking the table in front her.

"Yeah! It was like def' a ghost, right?" He turned to the other stooges and they nodded along with him.

Hold on, didn't you just say 'maybe' before?

Where was Hayama when he could be of use?

Oh, right. Hayama _would_ choose this one not to be with his friends.

Or maybe he did go with his friends, just a different set of them. That pretty-boy bastard probably has at least twenty different groups of friends now that I think about it, maybe he's off at the arcade with one of those other groups.

Hmm. But don't "Tobe and Crew" consider me their friend now anyway?

…I take everything back, except your friends! You can take them back starting now Hayama!

"Yeah, yeah! Like this! It was all," Ooka flapped his arms in the air, " _woosh-woosh,_ then we saw the light!"

"No way!" Yuigahama shouted.

"Totally way!"

"Yeah, completely way!"

"Like all the way!"

Tobe, Ooka and Yamato said consecutively.

 _Ugh._ I sighed.

Wait, that wasn't my sigh, somebody beat me to it.

"I don't know even know where to start. First of all, the paranormal is non-existent. So displace that idea from your thoughts. Understand?" Yukinoshita explained.

"But—"Ooka tried unsuccessfully to counter.

"No. Second of all, Yuigahama, don't encourage them."

"But—"Yuigahama tried unsuccessfully to counter.

"No. Third of all, Hikigaya, you're gross."

"…"

I, of course, knew there was no point to arguing when she gets into one of those moods. Even when I did nothing wrong, as usual.

Best to just go full-stealth-mode and casually ease my way out.

"No. You're still gross."

"Just what were you saying 'no' too?!"

"You know, some of ___ and ___."

"Fill in the blanks!"

"Frankly," Yukinoshita said while turning away from me, "I'm not even sure why you came to us with this request. There is nothing to prove, there is no such thing as ghosts. The end." She brushed the errant hair strands out of her face and adjusted her pose back to the usual regal demeanor.

As if she was the last note on the subject and passed her final judgement.

But they didn't seem to buy it.

Or rather, it was more accurate to say they didn't even seem to care.

"But what if it it's not though?" Yamato said.

"That—that doesn't mean anything. I _just_ said it's not real."

"But what if it is though?"

"I… don't understand. You…"

Yukinoshita closed her mouth, then opened it, then shut it once more, before opening it and pausing.

Then closing it again.

Finally, she scanned their faces before speaking.

"Does every one of you truly believe in the existence of ghosts?"

They all looked at each and nodded, Yuigahama included.

Please stop Yuigahama, you literally weren't involved.

"You're all certain, absolutely sure?" She asked.

They turned to each other and seemed to telepathically communicate their agreement.

Or more likely, they were all equally stupid.

"Hmm, well, it's like, are we sure?"

"Yeah, can we be though?"

"Sure is so hard, it's just too much."

"Mhm. But, like, we did though."

"Yeah, not only me, but _we_."

"Yup."

"Totally."

"I mean, sometimes you never know." Yuigahama answered as well.

Just like that, they managed to convince themselves of its possibility. Amazingly, they didn't even need to make an argument in that process.

Yukinoshita closed her eyes and squeezed the bridge of her nose.

"A conundrum… how… empathize…"

She started muttering that under her breath. Among other less savory things.

I suppose it was my turn again.

"She's right. Ghosts aren't real. Besides, doesn't it seem far-fetched to jump straight to ghosts? Couldn't something else have caused whatever it is you saw? Something that doesn't need a reality-defying explanation?"

"It's not like it was something only ghosts can do, but it's like, we didn't see any people. So, it has to be a ghost there."

"Yeah, if it's not people, then it's a ghost."

Tobe and Yamato explained.

"That's not even close to how things work." Who jumps straight to ghosts if they can't explain something?

"But is it close to how _ghosts_ work?"

"No."

"But is it though?"

"No."

"I don't know man, it's like… are you sure, bro? 'Cause I sort of saw it—well, not like me alone. But it was sort of like—we sort of saw something that looked like that sort of something that you could have sort of saw. You see?"

Is that even a language? Had Tobe used Human Transmutation and sacrificed the speech part of his brain?

"I don't know what you're trying to say."

"But still…"

What does 'but still' even mean here, _bro_.

"I feel like we're not all on the same page." Something wasn't clicking with them.

"But we're not reading a book?" Yuigahama said.

"That's just a saying. It means that we're not following each other's thoughts accurately."

"Oh. Well, yeah. Haha, I knew that."

No, I don't think you did.

"But what if, because we can't see ghosts, can ghosts see books?" Tobe asked.

I froze momentarily before speaking.

"…What?" I mean, why would that even matter?

"I think you're on to something dude." Ooka nodded his head seemingly deep in thought.

"Yeah, it could be a clue you know."

It's definitely not, Tobe.

"Why would that be a clue? Why would the fact that a ghost can read a book be a clue? Actually, no. What makes you _think_ that would be a clue?"

"Man trust me. Isn't there that saying, once a coincidence twice a clue?"

"No."

"Well anyway, I think it's a clue."

"Dude, it doesn't matter whether ghosts can see books or not."

Finally. One of them using their head. Yamato, you've upgraded from background-character-minus to background-character-plus.

"The real question is whether ghosts can _read_ books."

And back to background-character-minus.

"Maybe we can communicate with him. Hello. I. Am. To-Be. Please. Respond."

This can't be real.

"No stupid, it probably doesn't even speak the same language. We need to know, like, ghost, or something." Ooka pointed out.

I really should put an end—

Wait, did he just say we need to know _ghost_?

"If it could only communicate in ghost, that is, it's only language becomes ghost, then it can't read any books. No books are written in ghost."

"That's a good point, Hikigaya."

"No, no. If we can't see ghosts, then like, we can't see ghost books either. They could still have books though, and those could all be written in ghost." Tobe said.

That… actually makes a lot of sense.

"Is it possible ghosts could have their own ghost printers, where they print their own ghost paper and ink on page?" I mused out loud.

Yamato interrupted my train of thought, "But ghosts have no body, so they don't need money or food. None of them have a job, so, who would run the printers?"

"Many artists of the old days would paint and spread their paintings not so much for the financial benefits, in so much as there were, but more so because they enjoyed sharing their creation. It's not so far-fetched to assume that a ghost would run a printer in order to spread their ghost books."

"But, like, if they're a ghost, why would they write a book?" Yuigahama asked.

"Well, had they been a writer in their previous life, dying shouldn't remove their interests. But then, assuming they do need to make ghost books, the question becomes how did they get the materials? They would need to find ghost trees, for the ghost paper, or ghost papyrus at the least, and then would need ghost minerals to produce the ghost metal with which to make the ghost printer."

There were too many holes in this, I couldn't explain it. That doesn't even bring up the topic of how to create the machine. Would a person who knew how to make one become a ghost, create one, and then let someone else use it? They would need a person who knew how to make an axe to cut the tree. And that person would need to have someone who could find the material to make the axe.

Or perhaps ghosts didn't need to 'make' anything. Perhaps they possess the ability to create something out of thin air, equivalent exchange be damned. Without needing the resources or materials, they could simply spawn what they desire.

No job, no money, no problem.

That actually sounds better than reality. What am I still doing here? I'll take one ticket to ghost land please, the nothing gruesome special.

Wait a minute. Is that giggling?

I looked over to Yukinoshita who was trying, in vain, to stifle the sounds coming from her mouth with her scarf. This is no laughing matter. If we accept the premise that ghosts are real, than logically it follows that they must preoccupy their time with something. Unless becoming a ghost changes one's personality and interests, than ghosts should still…

Oh.

What the hell am I doing?

"—like with those pigs Hikigaya used a large tub of—"

"—Okay. Forget all that. Let's start over. You saw a flash of light, and then, you heard a… what was that again?"

"Woosh-Woosh!"

"Right, that. And the flash of light was at classroom 2B you said?"

"Yeah. The hallway outside, near the window across from it."

"I see…"

"He's thinking you guys!"

"You see that ghost, we're coming for you!"

I tried to internally focus on my thoughts and silence out their hollering and cheers of "You better be afraid!" and "So afraid!"

The light was likely a reflection of some sort, but I have no explanation for the sound. Further, I can't even demonstrate the reflection precisely, nor can I be completely accurate as to what had caused it. Blowing through a number of difference scenarios but without evidence lead to nothing. Without firm proof, then unfortunately, there was no sufficient answer.

"Can we have a moment? I believe I have a solution with Hikigaya's help. We'll look in the hallway, please stay in the room." Yukinoshita rose from her seat.

I stared at her. The questions burning in my eyes.

Just what would require investigating on our own? No. I doubt it was simply investigating, there's no need for the two of us if it was just a matter of confirming something.

Lost in my thoughts, I hadn't reacted quickly enough for Yukinoshita, as before I knew it, she was pulling me by the arm out of the room.

* * *

Once we were in the hallway, she let go of my arm and I closed the door behind me.

Then she scooted away from me.

Really?

"Is that really necessary?"

"A safety precaution, as we're alone in the hallway, I'm willing to do whatever it takes to prevent you from acting out on your wicked desires."

Just what 'wicked desires' have you planted in your head?

"And how is scooting away going to accomplish anything?"

"It allows me to prepare the proper physical response in time, which ranges from permanent bodily harm to excruciating pain."

"Violence is your entire range!"

"Not necessarily. Sometimes it's just a matter of _snip snip_."

"That's still a pretty ominous sound in this context."

"—And then off it goes."

"Off what goes!?"

She starting giggling into the scarf she had wrapped around her neck, and I almost broke out into an involuntary smile that I was holding back.

Before I cracked, she abruptly stopped and turned her gaze back on me, meeting my stare.

"As I've said before, I won't apologize for being on guard around you."

"That's pretty normal." Didn't expect anything less.

"In fact, you should apologize instead."

"That's pretty abnormal." Didn't expect something more.

"Just for causing me such stress you'll have to apologize and pay the medical bill in the future."

"You'll need a hospital visit for stress?"

"Not me, you. You'll have to pay for _your_ medical bill in the future, the price for stressing me out."

"The cost is inflicting a hospitalizing level of violence on me?!"

"Are you insinuating that I plan to stab you with a 12-inch stainless-steel black-edition butcher's knife with authentic wooden grip that I smuggled under your name?"

"I hadn't planned on it, but I think I should do more than just insinuate now!"

"Well then, you'd be wrong. Don't be ridiculous bringing up such a knife."

"…"

"They only had a red-edition knife."

Somehow I get the feeling that these must be among her favorite moments of the day, and I couldn't say they were too far off from mine.

"…so what did you have in mind about the ghost?"

"You really have no ability to be subtle at all, huh?"

I shrugged my shoulders.

"Well regardless, it's actually not what _I_ have in mind. It's what do _you_ have in mind about the ghost?"

"What does that mean?"

"First, we both accept that there is no ghost. Right?"

"Of course."

"So, the problem then is how to explain a particular sound and flash of light." She began explaining while folding her arms in front of her. "A simple problem, but not a simple task. Without having first-hand experienced it, observing the phenomenon in person, we do not have the crucial and key information. Without that information, we have no way of properly explaining it short of exhausting the vast amounts of potential scenarios that could potentially recreate the exact event. We would have to test flashlights, sun reflections at certain times of the day, cellphone backlights, mirrors, chains, necklaces, etc. A time consuming, and wasteful, effort."

"Okay, sure. That's true. But that's just outlining the problem. How does that help us explain to them? I have already tried explaining that anything could have caused the sounds and light, and that a ghost isn't necessarily the only answer, which fell on deaf ears." Frankly, I don't think it was the ears that was the problem. It's what's between the ears that's the problem. "Nothing short of an exact and specific event will convince them."

"Exactly." She slammed her fist into her palm.

"Exactly what?"

"We tell them what specific event caused it."

"But we don't know it?"

"We don't need too."

Just how… Ah.

As long as we tell them exactly that we know what caused it, and it wasn't ghosts, than they will be satisfied. That must be the reasoning behind her assumption.

"So, we lie?" I asked.

"No. _You_ lie."

"You want me to tell them that I know what caused it?"

"Yes. In fact, I don't believe they should even feel the need to know the details. Rather, simply the fact that it wasn't a ghost is enough for them to drop the subject. A small lie with sparse details should be far more than enough. Their interest is in the paranormal aspect, not the methodology."

Instead of responding, I stared at her questioningly.

"What? I know you are able to lie sufficiently, the perks of being a dysfunctional excuse for a supposed human being."

"Well, of course I am able to lie. But I take some offense at the second part of that sentence."

"Your tone seems a little suspicious, Hikigaya," she struck back with a cold voice.

"The subtext was that I don't agree with your insult. In fact, it was just regular text, my tone wasn't even needed."

"Are you accusing me of something without even bringing it to court?"

"That's quite the overreaction. Who would go to court over something like this?"

Are we Americans?

"You'll declare me guilty without a trial then? You truly are a virgin."

"That's not even slightly related!"

What a surprise insult. Like a wild left hook with her boxing glove!

While we were playing baseball on the same team!

"Putting aside the fact that I definitely am a functioning human being, it's not a matter of ability, but… this doesn't seem like the type of solution you would propose." In fact, this seemed exactly like my idea of a plan. "It doesn't really solve the question, just placates the individuals involved."

"Hmm." She adopted her usual pose of critical thinking, with her arms folded in front of her, before continuing.

"I think that… perhaps you're looking at the problem incorrectly. You are assuming the spirit of the question is 'what caused the event?' However, in actuality they don't care what caused the event. Rather, the real problem is 'was it a ghost?' They simply care about this event because they have it lodged into their heads that it was of the paranormal. Because we know that it wasn't, it becomes a matter of convincing them of the same thing, that it's a normal event. The means to which we break their delusions is of little importance."

A well-made argument. In fact, it was my kind of argument as well. Has her innate ability as Yukinoshita given her the ability to use my form of logic too?

"That aside, why me? Why not just lie yourself?"

"I am loath to admit it, but you're a much better liar than I am. By bringing you out here, it also presents us the pretext as having discussed it and solved the problem. That said, do you need time to come up with a story and lie or…"

"Just who the hell do you think I am?"

"…"

"…Damn. Just ignore that. It's something I've always wanted to say." I turned to the door and reached out to grab it.

"It really does sound like your plan…" She said off-handedly while we entered the room.

* * *

"—and that's all it was."

Their faces slowly dropped as the explanation continued, their expressions deflated completely by the end.

"Damn, that's a bummer."

"A total kill-joy."

"The killest of joys."

"Sorry for ruining your fun." I wasn't.

"Nah, it's all good. We knew it was something like that anyway, right guys?" Tobe asked.

"Ghosts, like, aren't here. So they like, aren't in front of us." Ooka nodded.

"If they can't be in front of us, because of that, it means they can't be in front of _anyone_." Yamato said.

"Woah, that's deep bro."

"Uh-huh. I know, I got lost for a second."

"I'm still lost." Tobe said.

What the hell kind of—

"Anyway bro, thanks for the help." He hit me on the back as he stood up.

"N-no problem." I coughed out a response.

If they could just see that ghosts aren't real in the first place, especially that quickly, why did they even need to come here at all?

Thankfully, before I could think too deeply on the subject, I was interrupted by Tobe's yelling as he waved goodbye.

"Catch you later!"

"Wait up!" Yuigahama responded.

She turned to us and grabbed her bag.

"I'll call you later on tonight Yukinon, pick up your phone this time, okay?"

"If I am not pre-occupied with studying for my—"

"Okay?" She cut in with no hesitation.

"…Okay."

Ooh. Even I shivered a little there.

Even nice girls like Yuigahama can be extremely scary when they were so inclined. In fact, they were probably scarier because they didn't even realize it. Such an unnatural power, and they used it so naturally.

Note to self: Avoid nice girls.

And mean girls.

And girls indecisively in between.

And become a house-husband for my wife.

Hmm. I think I'm going to have a conflict sometime in the future.

"You too Hikki, bye!"

"Yeah, yeah." I waved at her back while she ran out the door to catch up.

Naturally, being themselves, I could still hear "The Crew" talking in the hallway as they left the vicinity.

"See guys, I told you we could count on Hikigaya. He's super smart."

"Way smart."

"Remember? The pigs I was…"

They said before they got out of range.

I shuddered on instinct hearing him talk about _those_ pigs. Never again.

One might say I was all pigged-out.

Heh. Damn clever old boy. Damn clever.

"Good job, Hikigaya."

I momentarily froze before I could finish patting my back. Then I turned to look at Yukinoshita in astonishment.

"Did you just thank—"

"Sorry. I meant to say just 'job, Hikigaya'."

"...That's no longer a sentence."

What kind of correction was that?

"My apologies, it was actually 'gross job, Hikigaya.'"

"Those meanings are completely different now."

"No, it was just 'gross Hikigaya'."

"Now that's just an insult, no context needed!"

"You're right, 'gross Hikigaya' is redundant. Just 'hikigaya' will do."

"Oi, at least capitalize my name!"

"It was actually, 'You've disappointed me once again and now the world is destroyed, Hikigaya'."

"Just how much power do you wield?! Aren't those stakes a little high for just a club member?"

"Don't go around assuming that we are fellow club members."

"We definitely are though, no assumption needed!"

"Tomato, ketchup. Such semantics don't matter."

I closed my eyes in thought. Wasn't the saying toe-may-toe, toe-mah-toe, poe-tay-toe, poe-tah-toe?

"Since when is the difference between ketchup and tomatoes semantic?"

When Yukinoshita didn't answer, I looked around the room and found her sitting in a chair in front of the television from last week.

And a controller in her hands.

That's right, we still hadn't beat that game. We had to continually tell Zaimokuza that we were still working on it for the last week.

Every time I had asked if he wanted to play with us again, I was met with a dark gloom and sense of foreboding in his expression. It seems he doesn't take well to Yukinoshita's criticisms. And insults. And general berating.

"Hikigaya, please avert your stare before you start daydreaming. I feel that gaze of yours violates my very being."

"Just because I was looking your way doesn't mean I was thinking about you." I mean, I sort of was, but that doesn't invalidate my point. "Besides, the ability—"

"—To get lost in your thoughts is invaluable to you."

"Err, yeah. In fact, I can have—"

"—Entire conversations with yourself, no input needed."

"…Have I said this before?"

"No. Not entirely, but I figured it was something you would say as the embodiment of a lonely schizophrenic."

Oddly enough, I found myself agreeing with her, in that those traits did sound strangely schizophrenic. Whoa. Maybe I _did_ need help.

Or maybe it's actually everyone else who needs help and schizophrenics were the true evolution!

"We all have our strengths and weaknesses. For instance, you—"

"Yes?"

"Well, you overreact at the most minuscule mention of that panda thing."

"That's completely ridiculous! And it's not a _panda thing_ , it's Pan-san. Not to mention Pan-san is a hobby at best, though, of course, it's easy to see why one would get fanatical about the content. The character is adorable and deserving of praise and respect. The eyes on its face are proportioned just right as to draw the emotions of its beholders. The story is a wonderful tale of happiness and growth with symbolism detailing the coming-of-age we all face! The sheer notion that I would ever—" She paused upon seeing me laughing.

Then she sat back down.

At some point in her ramble she had unconsciously rose from her seat, with her hands slammed on the table, and must have just noticed her position at that moment.

Yukinoshita averted her eyes, and I caught a slight hint of blush.

"Yes, well, I may have a slight fondness of Pan-san, after all I'm still human, unlike others." Gee, I wonder who she's referring too. "And as humans, we all have our strengths."

"I believe you mean, 'we all have our weaknesses'."

"Pan-san is a strength." She said, meeting my eyes once again, but with full determination.

"R-right." I stuttered out before taking a seat on the chair next to her. "Well, regardless, when we beat this game using _my_ _plan_ , I'll enjoy seeing you apologize."

"Ah. So you're the type of man who wants to see a woman down on her luck and knees begging?"

"That's a little too far for an apology."

"The sobbing and crying she has echoing through the hallway—"

"You're going in the wrong direction…"

"—her clothes coming off in opportune spots, and the tears streaming her cheeks."

"Is this still an apology?!"

She started softly laughing into her scarf.

At times like this, I couldn't help but play along with her.

"…Just play the damn game. Hopefully we can beat it before nightfall. Although, the forecast says no chance of snow, so we should be fine regardless." I said before focusing all my efforts on this next run.

This was the one, I felt it. We were beating it on this run.

* * *

As per usual, it became late at night and we had still only made slight progress in the game.


End file.
